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Coming from this dynamic be careful your mental health provider not a covert narc. I settled a lawsuit against my narc vs psychopathic psychiatrist.

I’ll try to shorten my question. Since scapegoat is family system driven and the SH’s children are vulnerable to alienation by the narcissist driving it (in my case my mother), how do we educate are our children who have been alienated or those who still have. It fallen for it. My youngest is 23 and his oldest female sibling has joined my family in scapegoating me. He shows signs of going either way and some confusion regarding the extreme narrative his sister is sharing. How can I constructively inform him without overwhelming him sob when he leaves he doest become more indoctrinated in a way that’s better for his life and may pass it down? I appreciate your insight.

I have Cptsd from the abuse of both my parents who have NPD, SA by my mother's second husband and later on also by my siblings. I suspected it for about 15 years, but I just realised about two months ago that I'm autistic. While my family and partners narcissistically abused me, I was totally on my own. At times I cry a bit for my young self, trying to learn to set boundaries, ask for things and get my needs met, at 52. Not trying to beat myself up, is a daily task

Your content is pure platinum. Thank you for your words of wisdom and life. ❤🏆

Thanks!

It took me years to start feeling better from being scapegoated by both my father and mother families , I had to go all alone through so much pain in order to not identfy with the distorted immage my family was projecting on me. It is expecially difficoult here in Italy were nobody wants to face this subject were the family it is seen as the foundation stone of the country ! When I was in my 20ties I moved from Rome to San Francisco with no frends or contacts and created a new life for myself, it was a wanderful experience that filled my life with love and strenght , Unfortunately I had to come back in Italy after 20 years abroad and the whole thing hit me again, now I know much better and I am more aware even though I feel very isolated . I may moove again , it is never too late . Thank you Rebecca for your comforting words , it is liberating to get away for people like us.

The very person calling me crazy, my mother, had delusions, hallucinations, and couldn't control her emotions...he MO was hitting, screaming and stalking. Classic narcissistic projection. All I wanted for was that shit to stop. Sheesh.

I'm estranged from most of my family because I chose not to live by those rules anymore I literally have no one but my husband and children and I guess I'm better off for it

No contact for me made the hell even worse. My ex and mom work together now. They did false accusations at child service. Truth came out. Now the want to break me, so that they can say im unstable and cant take care of my child. Im in a psychische thriller

I am so thankful for you and your wisdom

I've been pushed out of the family, my half brothers and a biological sister are just as vindictive as they can be .. I walked away and will never go back!

Yes, I'm the scapegoat also!!

I have felt like just ending it many times in my life. Especially when I thought I deserved it due to my inferior nature. I even had a sister say to me. I always thought you would kill yourself when I asked why she said because that’s what I would’ve done if mom had treated me that way. But this is the very sister that is also the golden child and vigorously participates vicious mobbing me, creating and supporting extremely negative narratives about me, helps incorporate my children into the family system, and all other ways of participating in family scapegoat abuse. She only rarely said things that showed she understood and mostly talks out of both sides of her mouth according to the situation. It can be extremely confusing because of that. The back stabbing and betrayal are life changing.

I grieve for what I never really had. My entire childhood was a painful lie.

I just found you and will be watching all of your videos. I have been scapegoated my entire life. I have figured out that once you are in that role it is almost impossible to escape. I am in my sixties and have recently gone through some really hard times including getting hit and run by a car and having my wife of 35 years and my kids abandon me when I needed their help and am suicidal. I've had enough. It's a long story but I am blamed for everything even though it does not add up. Therapists just want to ram responsibility down my throat and won't even hear what I have to say. It's like they are stuck and they won't even listen to evidence that not EVERYTHING that happens bad in the world is MY FAULT. I have lost everything that mattered to me and I only get criticized when I try to stand up for myself. It's such a mess and no one understands.

I hope you do more research on the narcissist parent becoming the narcissist grandparent.

I’m wondering if I will get memories back of my severe neglect and subsequent scapegoating, I knew without the words it was not me but only found out my mother is a narcissist two days ago. I do not like her but it’s extremely shocking

I have asthma/anxiety. I have noticed a very noticeable improvement in the symptoms I have with this illness since going no contact with my toxic family members. Stress is a huge trigger. The longer I stay away from them, the easier it is to heal and recover. I never knew there was such a test. Wow what an eye opener! Thank you again, Rebecca!!

Janina Fisher videos are ones to look at for understanding this aspect of our suffering

So insightful! This one is so worth rewatching! Thank you so much, Rebecca! This is so helpful and I will share this with others! How can I properly care for others unless I care for myself? Blessings 🤗

It’s true! I am more or less no contact with my family, but I do get caught in unjust scenarios IRL. I am often the target of such situations - and when I notice, I do fall into rage.

The majority of my abuse came in the first 10 years. I am much older now but that rope still strong enough to hold me in place.

I was born a month early, not late. I couldn't drink milk (I'm now dangerously allergic to all dairy, probably low-level allergy before. My mother once told a psychiatrist (I was the patient) that I 'refused to eat even before I was born', as if an unborn child was responsible for getting food from the placenta. I know my Mum went through hell while she was pregnant (Dad was ill), and I sympathise, but it wasn't my fault. As an adult, at an extended family dinner I said 'I don't try to irritate you, Mum'. Her reply: 'you don't need to try, dear, just keep breathing'. Sums up my childhood really.

Thank you for validation of everything I went through,i never thought anyone would believe me about being ganged up on by the family, i always got the blame for everything because the family gamged up on me. Its so freeing..

#1 lesson "Do onto others" or "Teach people how to treat you based on your behavioral actions" therefore they are teaching you exactly how to treat them so perfectly mirror them to achieve the success level you want

Thank you for this video, Rebecca. This is so descriptive of me. When my mother would provoke me when I would ask her about her behaviors, I would get angry and act out when I was very young. One particular time when she was beating me, I went after her in reactive abuse by pushing her away, she would smile so evil and strangely get eerily calm . She would tell me to grow up and wash my face like nothing happened. Then sometime later, I would overhear her tell another family member or neighbor of what I did to her, but, her description of it was actually twisted and of what she had done to me! If I would tell the truth of what happened to that person, I would get more abuse from her and the person I was telling. I learned to go grey rock before I even knew it was a thing. I quickly learned to anticipate her mood swings and started to hide, suppress my anger and strong emotions. I also, had asthma that would get triggered by strong emotion too. She would provoke me to asthma attacks just to get sympathy from neighbors and others from me being sick. So, again, I repressed anger. Sometimes my expression of anger would be grief and sadness; usually in private. If I would express them to her, I would get ridiculed for that as well. I would be called a whiner, too sensitive, and told to grow up. I did have a tendency to fawn and had to be a "mother" to my mother and younger sisters. I, now, have learned to give myself permission to acknowledge my feelings , especially anger, and give myself permission to feel them. I have had to reparent myself. I have a strong prayer life and give it all to God and then work on validating them and what I learned from it to heal. Thanks again Rebecca!

Loneliness is only a perspective In Ones Perception this is a Social Programming in early childhood based on the factual events of Abandonment. It's simply a Cognitive Dissonance that when Identified can easily be changed internally into ones imagined Emotional State. Optimism is not an easy choice, Yet it is a choice of the Freewill. Good Luck with your "Internal Work" within the Mystical Quotient.....

I am going through this right now.

I went no contact three years ago, best decision of my life. It's very hard at first but totally worth it.. I'm finally able to live my authentic life no one controlling or manipulating me.. it's like breaking chains of evil... Life gets better every day.. no fear or self hatred.❤

"When you were still in the womb.." My mom actually used that sentence. I have situational mutism(which I finally have a name for) and she used to berade me for it saying:"You were already so quiet, when you were in the womb, that I thought you were dead." Now how can you respond to something you can not have a memory of?

Oh wow! This puts my life into such an articulate understandable way. After years of me blaming and fixing myself so she/they would feel better, I went no contact a several years ago. (I am 55 years old). I have suffered so much abuse because I was the truth teller and asked questions because I wanted to resolve the problems. The no contact came after I realized there was nothing I could do for them but love them from afar by praying for them. Now, my mother is trying to hoover me by giving me a sob story about having kidney failure (don't know how true or accurate this is as she always manipulated through illnesses; she was always more sick than everyone else) to try to suck me back into her life. She even reached out to my church and tried to plant the seed to them that I was the unloving one who won't call her and she asked them to give me her phone number. What she doesn't know is that my church is teaching on this subject and has become an enormous support network for me and others who suffer from this. My husband of many years and other two sons are very supportive and loving as well. She has turned one of my sons (and most of my other family members) against me and uses him/them to try to reach me. What they don't understand is that as a part of my healing journey, I have chosen to mourned her/their death already. This is such a long painful, necessary process but so worth it; it takes a lot of work of being uncompromisingly honest with myself and others. It's video's like this along with my support people that have helped and is continuing to help me recover. Thank you so much Rebecca, for sharing your wisdom and knowledge with us all. I truly, appreciate you. God bless you always.

Its realey sad i am 59 jears old ,loved my familie en gave all my love. I had to leave .malignant narcessist, alcohol abuse, cocaïne, and seksuel abuse. I left 23 juni .i could not take it anymore, my body is destroied. I called the police .i wich every one who had the scapegoat role a lot of power and love from Holland.

I wish here in Germany there were therapists like you.

"The so-called 'black sheep' of the family are, in fact, seekers of liberation for the family tree. These family members who refuse to adapt to the rules or traditions of the family system, those who constantly seek to revolutionize beliefs and go against the roads marked by family traditions, those who are criticized, judged, and even rejected, are generally called to release their family tree from repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations. The 'black sheep,' those who do not adapt, those who rebel, repair, detoxify, and create a new and blooming branch…countless unfulfilled desires, unfulfilled dreams, and frustrated talents of their ancestors manifest themselves in their rebellion, seeking to take place. The family tree, by inertia, will want to continue maintaining the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, making their task difficult and conflicting. Do not let anyone make you doubt; take care of your 'rarity' as the most precious flower of your tree. You are the dream of all your ancestors." ~ Bert Hellinger

Thank you sincerely Rebecca for your videos and extremely helpful information. Your videos endorse for me what I have been through and still do. Your videos are such a comfort to me, knowing that I am not alone, and that other people learn how to cope with the effects of FSA, so I can too. You give me strategies and remind me to look after myself. Thank you from Iona, New Zealand.

Can your book be translated ?. Scapegoating is universal. I am a victim of scapegoating. On the end of my father’s life I couldn’t care for hem because I was excluded from all decisions true my siblings. The loneliness is so spot on. The sexual, verbally and fysical abuse. I had it. Never never sorry. The day I stood up for myself hell Brooke loose. The recognizing is not only important for caregivers but for all professionals that involve family issues . Because scapegoaters exclude you from everything, everything and go all the way and tell everyone you are the problem.

Thank you so much these videos carry me through!!❤

My father forced me to go to nursing school. He told me I was too lazy to go to university and he wasnt paying for tuition ( or anything else ). Nursing school is free in the UK tho you have to work as a junior nurse throughout the training. When i passed my exams and told my dad he said " thats no great shakes" I had no idea that was a narcissist move...thanks Rebecca.

Relationships & Friendships are simply weapons that allows others to do critical damage to my core therefore I will not allow anyone else in my life again

I’ve collapsed and am desperate for help. I literally follow a content creator who models the healthy anger that I don’t myself feel.

Bingo! Aha moment. Validation of my own assessment. thank you. "I love you, but I see you".

Isolation is a part of trauma. Remember, you can create a 'new' family with friends who quite possibly have similar family problems. While my faith is important, do not tell people at your Church as they will shame you into believing you HAVE TO be engaged with your family. God says nothing about you having to be a punching bag.

The most important thing to realize is the attacks will increase when you do this, but that is to be expected. I had several people in my families involved so this basically required me to cut off everyone. To do this, I used events (e.g. holidays) and made excuses not to attend and after several months, I made the hard cut. The reason I did this was so I could monitor and manage retaliation as these people had contact with other people I knew. But be prepared, you may have to cut more than the troublemakers. Most importantly, do not fell guilty and believe the myth that family has to stick together.

Listening again and I really can see what you’re saying about empaths looking for someone to understand us so bad. Especially AFTER a lifetime of being scapegoated and everyone has a false idea of who you really are already. I’m even being Gangstalked by them . I’ve been learning about this new tactic used to get people to attack an enemy. The FBI site explains how it works. See when so many random people are verbally attacking you, there’s no proof of any connection between them and you. So the instigator is shielded from accountability . Deplorable…🤷‍♀️ They cyber stalk and let everyone know where you are. No other recourse but to document… thank… I hope this makes sense

I am the family scapegoat. Have you ever had a client who's. mother took her ryr.old son with her as she had a affair with 2 different men over awyr or .ore span .while married to my dad. Nobody wants to acknowledge my trauma and made me the SG I AM AT THE END OF MY LINE CUZ I MISS MY GRANDSON. IT A LONG STORY

I went through all of this, leaving my family forever was the best decision ever, I'm free of abuse...